Liars Poker

This is an excerpt from the book Liars Poker, and how a guy gets into Salomon Brothers and gets trained. The scene is from a classroom filled with trainees.

"Each trainee had to decide for himself. Thus was born the Great Divide.Those who chose to put on a full court grovel from the opening buzzer found seats in the front seats in the front of the classroom, where they sat through the entire 5 month program (lips puckered). Those who treasured their pride,or perhaps thoguht it best to remain aloof, feigned cool indifference by sittin gin the back row, and hurling paper wads at managing directors.

I considered myself an exception, of course. I was accused by some of being a front row person because I liked to sit next to the man from Harvard school and watch him draw organisational charts. I wondered if he would succeed (he didnt). Also, I asked too many questions. It was assumed that I did this to ingratiate myself with the speakers, like a front row person. This was untrue. But try telling that to the back row seaters. I lamely compensated for my curiosity by hurling a few paper wads at important traders. And my stock rose dramatically when I got thrown out of class while reading the newspaper while a trader spoke.

Of all exceptions, however, the Japanese were the greatest. The Japanese undermined any analysis of our classroom culture. All six of them sat in the front row and slept. Their heads rocked back and forth, and on occasion fell over to one side, so that their cheeks ran parallel to the floor. So it was hard to argue that they were just listening with their eyes shut, as Japanese businessmen are inclined to do. The most charitable explanation for their apathy was that they couldnt understand english. They kept to themselves, however,and you could never be sure of their language skills or their motives. Their leader was a man named Yoshi. Each morning and afternoon the back row boys made bets on how many minutes it would take Yoshi to fall asleep. They liked to think Yoshi was a calculating troublemaker. Yoshi was their hero. A small cheer would go up in the back row when Yoshi crashed, partly because someone had just won a pile of money, but also in appreciation of any man who had the balls to fall asleep in the front row."

The last paragraph was my fav!

Woken

I woke to the sound of my cat's incessant mewing. She was hungry and we had run outta cat food. Tough luck. Not for my cat, but for me. My day usually begins at 1, but now cuz I gotta feed the poor thing, it starts at 11.

Man, Im gonna hate being a father lol

I cant remember the last time I had a bath in a bath tub, so I was understandably excited when I got to simmer in my own filth, with my ipod beside me.

Europe is a really relaxed place. Everything goes so slowly in the suburbs. People move in slow motion, but thankfully the internet is reasonably hasty compared to that. The sun seems to be lazier too, sometimes he waits till 8 to wake up.

Somehow that bothers me. I just read about mental priming, where certain external influences tweaks the way you think. So I was thinking how being in an asian country has primed me such that I need to go go go instead of slow slow slow. I cant stand not doing anything I cant see as immediately productive. Sure, Ive gobbled down close to 4 books so far, but Im always so slow, it seems.

Hmm.

Ive seen artificial snow in malaysia. It was a distant memory, but somehow it triggers the mental imagery of ice kacang. Just 2 days ago I saw snow falling from the sky. I didnt know if they were snowflakes or just little balls of snow, though. They were rather ungraceful though. I always pictured them dancing on their way down, pirouetting right and left before whimsically choosing a place to land. Mine was like little pieces of a bird shit barrage. I thought they were pieces of dust at first, like how in the 7th month theyd burn shit and all that shit floats up to where you live.

France

In a few hours time Im going to be flying off to france, and as usual theres this nagging feeling that Ive forgotten do do/bring something, even though Ive already double checked (and at the rate this is going, triple check) everything.

Shoes parents have been nothing but helpful and easy to work with, though I wish I could say the same for MY parents, who want me to stuff my luggage with, get this, instant fucking noodles to bring over to france.

I made a big fuss out of this, obviously, because theres seriously better things to bring along than instant noodles, but since theyre the ones paying for the trip, itd be in my best interests to please them. =D

Haiku is not
for everyone cuz
sometimes you just fail so bad
look at me even
this kinda fails.

No more good ban mian

Since the ban mian stall near my secondary school changed owners, theres just nowhere in the world with ban mian good enough for me.

Well, Im going to ord soon, and because I havent been able to pass my SOC because of a lack of will and an injured knee, the most Ill get out of my testimonial is a satisfactory.

Thats 3/5 just because of physical ineptitude. If only I had known this would happen, then I wouldnt have put in that much effort into my work. But then again, life is always like that, isnt it?

When youre living off the misery of other people its a sign youre losing your humanity.

When Im hoping the US goes into a second recession so soon after the last... haha, well its money for me!

Who can argue with money?

Naruto!

The latest episodes of naruto are getting exciting but Ive no more episodes left to watch!

So i asked my friend why cant the japanese draw more and make less porn, and he said to me "cuz porn can make $. make anime fuckers like you only download and watch, so never make any money".

To which I replied "but the porn I also download and watch what. Whats the difference?"

I win.

Hottest

Ive always loved Mila, but this is just way too hot! I liked Jeanette Aw when I found out she WOW-ed, but her spoken english is kinda fail so =(

Phail Engrish

My Fellow Countrymen, You Suck

As some of you know, Im doing the drive past mobile column for NDP as a driver. i recently saw some very repugnant singaporeans showing their ugly side. Let me endeavour to explain this to you.

me in another fail picture.

The entire mobile column of 200 vehicles and 700 people will drive past the padang. After that, they will split up into 3 different parts of singapore, Eunos, woodlands and one more I cant remember where.

Along the road at the side of the Esplanade Mall (which is near I think, marina square or something) is a site that is where my (the eunos people) will stop to allow the other two parts of the mobile column to pass at a road way way way in front.

Because the eunos group stretches for hundreds of meters, the entire road has to be blocked off and no traffic, vehicular or pedestrian is permitted to pass in any way. Marshals are set up to ensure that no moron does this.

However, because of this pedestrian traffic tends to gather near the traffic lights while they are waiting for us to pass and the wait for them can be about 15-20 mins. Some morons waiting at the side of the road started arguing with the marshallers over why they couldnt cross when all our vehicles were stationary.

What they dont seem to understand is that the marshallers are only fucking corporals, and the decision to let whoever pass is made by people far higher up then them. And these people were literally shouting at the poor guy, with a whole lotta self importance like, "omg ive been waiting for x minutes omg you cant make me wait like this omg omg ima pee my pants" kinda thing.

Seriously, if you were anybody important in life, we would have people rolling out red carpets along the fucking road for you, but because youre a POS loser who probably drives a scooter, you just have to wait! Its really that simple.

And that wasnt all. When the higher ups finally relented and let them pass, the loser threw up his hands in the air and shouted ,"Finally!".

OMG i swear if the machine gun beside me was loaded...

The above is the main theme song for Command and Conquer 4: Tiberian Twilight. Its awesome, even if youre not a fan of game soundtracks ^^

Inter(nal)view

So I was selected to go for some dumb interview and represent the NSFs of the SAF and appear on TV and say how much I loved what I was doing, and how proud I was to be taking part in NDP, when I would much rather be sleeping up in my bunk.

Normally I think some people would jump at this chance, but fame at the cost of dignity does not appeal to me. I went and told the in-charge, a captain, that asking me to do this was jamming my moral frequency, so to speak.

As of now, Im no longer involved in that facade, but I was told I would be a backup should the need ever arise. Please god let it not be so!

Photographer Fail

Goh Keng Swee is obviously not the main focus of this picture can.

Misadventures Of Me

I went to Dr Henrys for a gathering. His place is at the NYP apartments area. I left at 11, so all the gates were closed, and I honest to goodness couldnt remember how to get out. I swear that place feels more like its trying to keep people in rather then keep people out.

That was when I noticed one area where the shelter was much lower then the other areas (the entire area from NYP to YCK MRT is sheltered), and that the shelter led over the fence.

;)
;)
;)
;)
;)

yep thats right, I climbed on TOP of the fucking shelter, and duck-walked over the fence under the cover of darkness. Man, being in NS for too long really makes you fearless (as well as make you lose your mind).

Once I was over the fence, I ninja jumped down.... and sprained my wrist in the process. This was witnessed by a female student. She gave me a "OMG YOU MUST BE BATMAN" face, but I pretended not to notice because Batman is cool.

So anyways, that was prolly the most exciting event of the entire week. :)

I miss the way you move my cheese.

Direction

Yes! Now I have a direct bus right to changi airport at my doorstep.

The world prepares for my france trip muahaha.

Anyway, Im still waiting for the malay man who lives 4 doors away to die of lung cancer cuz he keeps peeing and smoking in the lift. Im also waiting for my sergeant major to die in a car accident, cuz he asked me to wear my number 1 to go do a parade while I had a 39°C fever.

Why have mercy on those who have none for you?

GKS

Busy these few days with Goh Keng Swees funeral. Yes, i was part of it, and bloody CNA only took my back shot. That means that particular news segment was very badly filmed, because their main actor was not even in the scenes. Its like a porn movie filmed without seeing the main actress's face.

The drive past from parliament to the conference building was quite cool and weird all at the same time. There were people who probably didnt even know who died and were putting their hands together, and aunties who were saluting awkwardly as we drove past. I wanted to laugh, but then thought to myself," wow maybe itd be nice if I died and aunties would salute to me."

I mean, its not that I have an auntie-fetish. Its just kinda strange how a complete stranger could inspire such patriotism.

Very interesting.

Worst Weekend

Ending is the worst weekend every of the year. It started with a 39­°C fever, diarrhea, and a bunch of stupid medics. The medical center seriously has no prioritization going on. Some dumbfuck lance corporals who were laughing so happily were somehow more important then a bloody 3rd Sergeant who was about to pass out from a fever.

I was given an MC, but what good is an MC when youre too weak to go home?

And back home, oh god back home was the worst. I was like a bird back home. No not free like a bird. I shat like a bird and peed like a bird. Thats right, for some reason my dick wasnt working, and my shit and pee all came out through the same place. What fun!

And just like this, my entire weekend was spend shitting and sleeping. As far as Im concerned, if I didnt spend more then half of it killing shit on my computer or playing stocks, then Ive WASTED it.

GDI!

Butterfly

Little tommy was a boy, a child of thirteen
When he saw a cocoon, as small as a bean.
Picking it up, he thought to himself,
"In my hands I hold, a small piece of magic.
For life is as such, so fragile and tragic."

On a shelf he placed it, and for hours he'd stare
With a deep rooted love, that none could compare.
All this while, he thought to himself,
"What a beauty she'll be, how graceful and strong"
But he'd never imagine, how things could go wrong.

The day finally came, when her birth was at hand
the cage would chip, it was going as planned,
yet something felt wrong, something he noticed.
"Her cage is too strong, she cant break out.
I need to help her, of that theres no doubt!"

Gently he'd peel, the confines of her prison
And she spread her wings, like Jesus arisen.
Triumphant, he cried out loud,
"Welcome, my break from my routine,
for too long Ive been like a machine."

Not hearing him, she staggered forward,
Legs unsteady, going onward.
Then she stopped, wings hanging by her side
and a chill filled him deep inside.

Swaying slightly, she collapsed suddenly
This queen, once so heavenly,
was now so still, so still.


I think, maybe, the day we realise that the precious things we thought would last forever wouldnt, because there IS no such thing as forever, no matter how hard you try to force it, thatd be the greatest let down of our lives.

Anticipation

In anticipation of the future, my ord is one thing, but the best part is that I get what Ive wanted for so long: A getaway from singapore, and one into Europe, no less.

My mom just confirmed that Ill be joining them in france for 2 months, with a intermittent trip to england to visit her friends. Its seriously more then I could have ever dreamed of.

I think its time to get a digi-cam.

Why Does Mr Beans Grass Jelly Drink Taste So Heavenly?

I am so disappointed with command and conquer 4 man. I mean, theres shit, and theres cnc4. Its actually hard to find something about the game that I actually like. Theres nothing original, and Kane's final goodbye was so bleah I kinda felt disgusted with myself for wasting so much time just to see how it ended.

And then theres Clash of the Titans, which is another shit movie. The acting was bad, the plot was rushed, and three words more: Deus ex machina. Like, so many of them.

Shit, I think I need to buy something branded to make my life more purposeful.

It just hit me that I wasnt really sure about my journey to SIM. As in, it isnt SIM itself, but rather the 2nd diploma that I would have to take in order to get the degree I want. In terms of time, this really isnt a problem since in total itd only take about 2.5 - 3 years, roughly the same as any other degree.

Its just that, I want it to be perfect. I want everything to be perfect. But because I know how life sucks and nothing can be perfect, I want it to be as close to perfect as it can, and somehow, it doesnt feel there yet.

Readers Digest Is Stupid

Readers digest keeps sending me their sweepstakes nonsense, and Ive been repeatedly sending them emails to stop flooding my snail-mail box. Today I just got so sick of it I sent them the following mail.


My name is Madam Lee Ngai Wah, and for the third fucking time, I would like you to stop sending me your sweepstakes bullshit. Dont ask for my IC number or anything as though you morons dont have it, because Ive given it to you twice already.

If I get another of your sweepstakes in my mail, I might have to succumb to my tendencies towards arson.

Yours sincerely,
Madam Lee Ngai Wah

Where the name in the mail is my mom :P hahahaah

NDP!

The bad news begins with the fact that Ive been coerced into taking part in this years NDP. Im not actually going to be part of the parade itself, but Ill be driving my primus around some dumb neighbourhood, where hopefully I can conduct live experiments on "TANK VS TOYOTA".

Because Im going to be going around on public roads, I was required to take some Highway Code test, which is kinda the army equivalent of the Basic Theory Test (its not interchangable though).

My sergeant major, whos a complete numbskull, told me and my guys I was to go to Kaki Bukit camp for some lessons, after which we would take the test. Therefore, upon reaching there, I wasnt really surprised when the guy in charge told us there WOULDNT be any lessons or anything to study for before the test, which was essentially his way of saying ,"Tough luck, biatches."

I obviously began planning to retake the test, but boy what came out was a complete surprise.

In a class of 30++ (some of them were drivers by vocation, others were suay-bongs like me who were from armour doing the driving like me), only 3 people passed. And out of these 3 people all of them were on their 2nd attempt at the test.

I scored the WORST, with like 54/100. I dont think Ive ever been last in class before. But technically there wasnt any class to begin with. Its like, Ive never been last in class before! lol

That reminded me of the time I scored an 1/25 for some A-math test, but there was this dude with a 0. That was really a classic lol moment.

Elderly Couple Rocking At The Piano

OMG OMG YOU HAVE TO CHECK THIS OUT



Description: An elderly couple walked into the lobby of the Mayo Clinic for a checkup and spotted a piano. They've been married for 62 years and he'll be 90 this year. Check out this impromptu performance. We are only as old as we feel, it's all attitude. Enjoy! They certainly do

Best performance of the year, nuff' said.

Format Females

Today I was down at orchard road with a friend, and I noticed something truly harrowing. Everywhere I looked, there were pretty girls. No, thats not the scary part. The scary part was this: They all looked the same!

I dont mean like, 'clones' type of "same". Its just like, they way they dress, the way they put on their make up and just everything they do is so freakily similar.

Its like they all have this idea of what "pretty" is supposed to look like and everyone of them is just going for that look hoping that something good turns out of it.

Which philosopher was it that said that the universe is made up of ideas or templates that formed everything? I cant remember, but like, its pretty much whats happening here. In the end, I was supposed to be looking at them and fantasizing or something, but it got really depressing cuz it just felt I was looking at the same person over and over again.

;p

My friends are sluts. Heres why.

Cockroach Noodles

I think most of you would know of my experiences with this noodle shop in sunplaza that serves cockroaches. That was about 3 years ago, and Ive been boycotting it since.

Recently, however, I noticed a change in management, and things looked a lot cleaner then previously, so I started eating my ban mian again.

Today kinda sucked, cuz just as I was about to put a spoonful into my mouth, I noticed a brown leg inside my spoon. I really really wanted to take the half of the bowl that was left and smash it into the fucking aunties face.

Seriously, this shit can only happen to me.

Stranded

I spent an entire afternoon today baking in the sun in the middle of some forest in Sungei Gedong together with a friend of mine without any water at all. We fed the mosquitoes and talked about women, or just womAn, actually, which is one of the things I really cherish about being single; You get to ask all about other peoples relationships and not have to give a single thing out about yourself because you simply dont have anything to say.

Why were we there in the first place? Well, I was driving my gun to an exercise location when it broke down. And when I say gun, Im not talking about those little peashooters you carry around with you, Im talking about these:


Yes, these five million dollar pieces of crap dont actually work. Theyre just there to give servicemen something to do while they waste two years of their life away. =)

So anyway when the technicians arrived they had a bottle of coolant, but we drank that anyway.

The First New Year

For those of you who really know me, you know I dont go around wishing people Merry Xmas/New Year/Whatever, but I do make it a point to reply smses/texts with at least a "thanks, you too!" because I feel its the least you could do.

Till now, I actually havent wished anyone Happy CNY, because my new year began one month and 15 days ago, and I dont really see what the big deal is. But I did wish someone a happy CNY today, and it was this counter girl at KFC. She had a really gay-lord name: Girlie. No shit. And no, she wasnt really pretty, but she did look very sad. There was this kinda look in her eyes that told the world that nothing was really going right for her, so I thought itd be nice to acknowledge her existence.

She returned my greeting with a smile, and as I left, I noticed she was still smiling.

Yes, I know I have that effect on girls because Im hot, but in all seriousness, I think we dont do the little things often enough.

^-^

Happy Cheena New Year!

Cavana Sucks

The very first time I ate at Cavana was when I was with this bunch of friends and I didnt order anything, so I was just picking at their food and I thought to myself ,"Oh god this sucks so badly." and vowed never ever to go back again.

Unfortunately, because its chinese new year and theres nothing to eat if no ones cooking, the situation changes to something somewhat more ... desperate.

I tried their new chicken lasagne, because Im a sucker for lasagne, and what a sucker I turned out to be. $8.90 for a pieces of HAM inside. They had the cheek to put fucking HAM inside lasagne, and even more to charge me an extra 50cents as a "chinese new year" charge.

Fuck you Cavana, Im boycotting you for life.

Stupid

So i just finished watching my super ex girlfriend, and essentially wasted 2 hours of my life. I dont think ive ever seen a more pointless and predictable show. Its like, do you even need a script for that shit? And i sat through that. I sat through all hundred and twenty minutes of that shit. Well, I dunno if it was 2 hours exactly, but whatever.

Anyway, im mulling over how someone could have lived 20 fucking years on this stupid world and be so emotional. And by emotional I mean so controlled by his emotions.

Its so WEAK.

Pepperoni's

Just came back from this place called Pepperoni's. Its near NJC or something. I went there with my men, or in non-army terms, my subordinates. Wah, one of them even dressed like Jason Mraz or something. Really up there.

But of course I see their other side in exchange for them seeing mine ;)

Other than that, the food is quite good when you do a price : quality ratio evaluation. Their panna cotta (I never knew it was called panna cotta until today) is really smooth and just sweet enough for me. Their lasagne kinda sucked I think. Pizza Huts' is better.

Kahfee

One of the best times of the weekend is when I sit down in front of my computer with a cuppa Cafe Nova's latte.

But besides saying that coffee is great, Batman: Arkham Asylum is equally great. The hour I spent playing it today was well worth it.

Anyway I have to say this video is what Singaporeans would call "quite steam"

Weird People

Whenever I need to rest my eyes after gaming for so long, I always look out the window. I like doing this because 1.) Theres always nice wind in my face, and 2.) Theres always weird people doing shit.

So this day, there was this fat old woman walking down the path. As she walked along, she made these gestures with her hands that looked like a mime pressing against the wall. Every few meters she walked, she would do it again and again.

There was nothing in her ear, or close to her ear, so she couldnt have been talking on the phone. Her mouth wasnt moving either.

Somehow, that made me think of this weird guy I met at a friend's birthday chalet. He was trying very hard to get us to play a few more games of saboteur (the card game) , but we were afraid of missing the last bus/train. So hard, in fact, that it came across to me as bordering psychotic.

I had this friend with me (whom we shall codename 'dear') that I was going to send back home cuz it was already getting late. Weirdo asked if I would consider a few more games and I replied," That depends on whether dear wants to leave now."

Then he gave me this stunned look and asked," You mean you would make your choice based on one person?" I didnt answer him and quickly looked away. In my heart I was thinking "omg omg omg freakyyyyy".

The poor fellow probably never had a girlfriend or close friend his entire life or something. Well, it may have been freaky then, but its funny retrospectively.

New Song by Within Temptation

Give this song a try!

Utopia

SAF Is A Damn Happening Organisation

Wah, I love the SAF. Everytime in the newspaper. Just recently got kerner or what making sexual advances towards his married subordinate officer. Why I also cannot understand, cuz usually SAF woman damn shit looking one.

Then also got master sargeant go taiwan get run over by car and die. Then the newspaper also say he drunk. Wah, also got unit change their Standard obstacle course results so they can get best unit in the end kena found out. This one also in newspaper.

Then got people run halfway die. Do chin ups halfway also can die.

Maybe I typing this post halfway also collapse and die. Then the headlines will write "SAF serviceman dies naked in front of computer whilst declaring how much he loves the SAF"

You will seriously never see this anywhere else in the world man. You where will find "Microsoft employee dies while programming new software" or what one?

Call Of Pussy

Recently Ive been playing a lot of COD:MW2. Thats pretty much all I do, aside from thinking about how to recoup my $1600USD loss on the stock market as well.

Pretty much the most exciting thing thats happen today was talking to *. I was wondering what I would have for dinner when * messaged me, and I told her that since I couldnt decide what to eat, I might as well have her pussy for dinner. I tried to negotiate a price of $2 for it, because she suggested I get macdelivery but I wasnt willing to pay the delivery charge, so instead of paying a mutt to come over to my place I might as well have pussy.

Unfortunately, $2 wasnt enough. I backed out anyway, because even having eaten pussy, I would STILL have been hungry, because as we all know, you cant literally eat pussy. Maybe in germany they do, because they eat cock there.

Sucky Peppermint

Please please please dont try starbucks' peppermint frap/mocha unless you wanna drink chinese medicine. Thank God I wasnt the one who bought it, haha!

And omg what a brand-whore Ive turned into. I cant believe I spent a three digit sum on a shirt. I think its more like a few cents for the material and the three digits for a crocodile.

Next Ill probably buy a belt with a "G" on it, which will probably cost another fortune. "G" must stand for "goondu".