The New Girl

Her name is the Muvo T200.

Unlike other women you can choose what coloured dresses she wears.

Unlike other women she shuts up when shes told.

Unlike most women you can take off her pants and she wont complain.

She sings to you, plays any musical instrument and knows over 1000 songs. She has a photographic memory and so never forgets anything you ask her to remember.

Shes wearing red today, and shes helping me tell the time.

Ive taken off her pants, but Ive kept her green top on for decency sake. Shes asking me to shut my eyes, but I just cant stop staring.

Her again, in purple.

And the best part seriously, is I dont have to install any fucking iTunes which insists on trying to play shit it cannot play and fucking up my audio/video entertainment.

Fuck you apple, creative just owned your fruity ass.

OT

Office solitude
A commonplace sobrique
For overworked staff

I Cried When I Read This

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Now you know why I cried.

Optical Illusions

Blood And Pain

This post is all about blood. I have pictures of me bleeding, other people bleeding, and art thats comprised of images drawn in blood.

If you are in any way adverse to blood, I have only one thing to say to you.

"HAHA!"

So anyway, I got bored while waiting for god knows what so I started to play with my penknife and shaving the hair off my toes with it. A little accident occured which I didnt notice at first, so I sat normally and started gaming.
After a while I noticed that the floor had a blood on it and I was bleeding. So like any true artist, I was compelled to make a statement to the world.





A few days later on Vesak day, I went to play painball again, with LY and SH. Ive never bothered to wear long sleeve shirts to painball cuz I have never gotten hit on my arms before. However, that day, I found reason to do so.

The above picture is what happens when a paint ball flying at 350 feet/second hits your exposed skin.

LY too, had some first hand experience. He even got head-shotted lol! See his beautiful hair dyed orange.

Then a few days later, I was playing with the same pen knife (again!) and cut myself on the finger. Cant really remembered how this happened, but even if I did I wouldnt tell you how I did ;P

The beauty stands before the monster (represented by my foot)

We Are All The Same

First look over there,
at the whores in the street.
See the skin they bare,
see their breasts so complete.

Do you toss your head high,
and look in disdain?
Or will you think just as I
and feel both our pain?

What if I told you,
we were all the same?

They sell their souls,
just for some cash.
To fill their bowls,
And fatten the sash.

Yet even I,
have made this trade.
I just comply,
and join the parade.

Now Im telling you,
we are all the same.

Just today I was told off,
by a customer who thought he was right.
But I couldnt tell him to fuck off,
so in I caved without a fight.

To me it was as if,
my ego and my pride,
had jumped off a cliff,
and was swept off by the tide.

Now do you believe,
that we are all the same?

Yet there be some who disagree,
for the flesh they sell, is holy just as well.
But only to a small degree,
cuz my spirit yells, the body is but a shell.

If you take away my essence,
the Who of who I am,
gone will be life's lessons,
whats left is just a scam.

So nod your heads,
and know as I know,
that in this Great Game,
we are all the same.

Armpit Cameltoe

Following the previous post, I had this weirdass woman come up to me and ask me to bluetooth the "Barney and Friends" theme song to her when she heard it play on my phone cuz its my ring tone.

So anyways, me and jen were heading home and we saw this woman who had white armpit hair. I noticed it but it was only after she pointed it out my eyes kept darting back to the demon armpit hair. You cant really see it that clearly here, but it was there. Pretty fine hair it was.



Then after a while we saw this guy (I swear he was a male) who had a cameltoe.

I dont know whether its possible for a male cameltoe to exist but it was there. Clear as daylight. So we pretended to be taking pictures of ourselves while facing Mr. Cameltoe and we got this picture to prove it to you all.
That is very obviously a cameltoe right there. I dont take pictures of peoples butts and say it is a cameltoe. But the fella was most definitely a guy, and I cant imagine a girl having a cameltoe that big. Jen said that the position of the cameltoe was totally wrong but I insisted that its possible for it to be there cuz the pussy is roughly where the balls of a guy are!

So we argued and argued from Bishan to Sembawang about 1.)whether the fella was a guy or gal and 2.) whether it was a ball sack or a cameltoe.

Too bad I had to alight and leave her in the company of the mutant cameltoe. She later smsed me to tell me how she noticed that it would wobble when the person moved, which kinda sent shivers up my spine but knowing her it probably turned her on or something.

At The End Of A Closing Day Of Weird Books, Weird Women Asking For Weird Songs, Weird Armpit Growths And Weird Pubic Protrusions

Everything Men Know About Women

Mom and kerk flew off to japan today, so Im the master of the house for 1 week. Id bring some whores to my place and have a party if not for the fact that I know none or any pimps, for that matter.

So anyway, Jen and I headed down to Kino to get her some books and we saw this amazing book.

By a frigging professor some more right? So we decided to take a look at the back as well to see what kind of things they could possibly teach us.



WOW! This book must be frigging awesome! Deep in this tome lies everything we men could possibly know about women!

Arnt you just so amazed to find out whats inside? We did, so we opened the book!

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EMPTY!! All the frigging pages were empty!

GET IT??!!!

Hahahaha! I thought this was such a brilliant book I absolutely HAD to blog about it! But of course there was no way Id waste 8 bucks buying it, but it was a good laugh.

Cheers to Jen for finding it!

Stupid But Stupid

My colleague and I were talking about handwriting and he remarked that my handwriting was "cute" and went on to his supposed punch line that "cute" was "ugly but adorable".

Okay, what I want to say is that this has been an issue that has been bugging me for some time.

I want to know which idiot was it that told his idiot friend who told his idiot friend who told his idiot friend who told his idiot friend *inhales deeply, then pauses* that 'cute' meant "ugly but adorable".

FIRSTLY

cute –adjective

1.	attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty: a cute child; a cute little apartment.

2.	affectedly or mincingly pretty or clever; precious: The child has acquired some intolerably cute mannerisms.

3.	mentally keen; clever; shrewd.

–adverb

4.	Informal. in a cute, charming, or amusing way; cutely: In this type of movie the boy and girl always meet cute.

–noun

5.	the cutes, Informal. self-consciously cute mannerisms or appeal; affected coyness: The young actress has a bad case of the cutes.

Try finding "ugly but adorable" inside for me please. I must need a pair of new spectacles because, by golly, I cant seem to find it!

SECONDLY

adorable –adjective

1.	very attractive or delightful; charming: What an adorable hat!

2.	worthy of being adored.

Being adorable means being attractive, as seen from above. So therefore I find it hard to imagine someone, or something that looks like a piece of shit in the rain, yet still be attractive.

Thus yet again proving "ugly but adorable" to be quite a mind blowing concept.

If any of you have believed this nonsense before, then you can consider yourselves
OWNED.

The Lord of the Rings Symphony: Six Movements for Orchestra, Chorus and Soloists

Performed by: Singapore Festival Orchestra/Chorus of the Slovene/ National Theatres Maribor and Ljubljana/ Singapore Lyric Opera Children's Choir

Canadian film composer Howard Shore's Oscar-winning score is performed by more then 200 musicians, matching in delivery the musical majesty of Shore's writing, with the live projection of Tolkien art in storyboard drawings by artists John Howe and Alan Lee.

When: 5-6 June, 7.30pm, Esplanade Concert Hall.
Prices: $35, $45, $65, $85, $110, $140, $150

So, who wants to come with me? Im taking either the thirty or forty one.....

UPDATED SEATING PLAN FROM SISTIC

Fucking Dictionary

I cant understand what is up the the nokia dictionary. I mean, I try typing in "tiramisu" into a text message and they come up with "tirangst".

What the fuck is a "tirangst"? Why is this word taking up space in my phone and wasting my time by making me press the "next word" button?

Im So Hot

Literally.

Maybe thats why Im also so hot blooded.

Literally.

Spare our overheated souls, O Helios!