Readers digest keeps sending me their sweepstakes nonsense, and Ive been repeatedly sending them emails to stop flooding my snail-mail box. Today I just got so sick of it I sent them the following mail.
My name is Madam Lee Ngai Wah, and for the third fucking time, I would like you to stop sending me your sweepstakes bullshit. Dont ask for my IC number or anything as though you morons dont have it, because Ive given it to you twice already.
If I get another of your sweepstakes in my mail, I might have to succumb to my tendencies towards arson.
Yours sincerely,
Madam Lee Ngai Wah
Where the name in the mail is my mom :P hahahaah
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
NDP!
The bad news begins with the fact that Ive been coerced into taking part in this years NDP. Im not actually going to be part of the parade itself, but Ill be driving my primus around some dumb neighbourhood, where hopefully I can conduct live experiments on "TANK VS TOYOTA".
Because Im going to be going around on public roads, I was required to take some Highway Code test, which is kinda the army equivalent of the Basic Theory Test (its not interchangable though).
My sergeant major, whos a complete numbskull, told me and my guys I was to go to Kaki Bukit camp for some lessons, after which we would take the test. Therefore, upon reaching there, I wasnt really surprised when the guy in charge told us there WOULDNT be any lessons or anything to study for before the test, which was essentially his way of saying ,"Tough luck, biatches."
I obviously began planning to retake the test, but boy what came out was a complete surprise.
In a class of 30++ (some of them were drivers by vocation, others were suay-bongs like me who were from armour doing the driving like me), only 3 people passed. And out of these 3 people all of them were on their 2nd attempt at the test.
I scored the WORST, with like 54/100. I dont think Ive ever been last in class before. But technically there wasnt any class to begin with. Its like, Ive never been last in class before! lol
That reminded me of the time I scored an 1/25 for some A-math test, but there was this dude with a 0. That was really a classic lol moment.
Because Im going to be going around on public roads, I was required to take some Highway Code test, which is kinda the army equivalent of the Basic Theory Test (its not interchangable though).
My sergeant major, whos a complete numbskull, told me and my guys I was to go to Kaki Bukit camp for some lessons, after which we would take the test. Therefore, upon reaching there, I wasnt really surprised when the guy in charge told us there WOULDNT be any lessons or anything to study for before the test, which was essentially his way of saying ,"Tough luck, biatches."
I obviously began planning to retake the test, but boy what came out was a complete surprise.
In a class of 30++ (some of them were drivers by vocation, others were suay-bongs like me who were from armour doing the driving like me), only 3 people passed. And out of these 3 people all of them were on their 2nd attempt at the test.
I scored the WORST, with like 54/100. I dont think Ive ever been last in class before. But technically there wasnt any class to begin with. Its like, Ive never been last in class before! lol
That reminded me of the time I scored an 1/25 for some A-math test, but there was this dude with a 0. That was really a classic lol moment.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Elderly Couple Rocking At The Piano
OMG OMG YOU HAVE TO CHECK THIS OUT
Description: An elderly couple walked into the lobby of the Mayo Clinic for a checkup and spotted a piano. They've been married for 62 years and he'll be 90 this year. Check out this impromptu performance. We are only as old as we feel, it's all attitude. Enjoy! They certainly do
Best performance of the year, nuff' said.
Description: An elderly couple walked into the lobby of the Mayo Clinic for a checkup and spotted a piano. They've been married for 62 years and he'll be 90 this year. Check out this impromptu performance. We are only as old as we feel, it's all attitude. Enjoy! They certainly do
Best performance of the year, nuff' said.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Format Females
Today I was down at orchard road with a friend, and I noticed something truly harrowing. Everywhere I looked, there were pretty girls. No, thats not the scary part. The scary part was this: They all looked the same!
I dont mean like, 'clones' type of "same". Its just like, they way they dress, the way they put on their make up and just everything they do is so freakily similar.
Its like they all have this idea of what "pretty" is supposed to look like and everyone of them is just going for that look hoping that something good turns out of it.
Which philosopher was it that said that the universe is made up of ideas or templates that formed everything? I cant remember, but like, its pretty much whats happening here. In the end, I was supposed to be looking at them and fantasizing or something, but it got really depressing cuz it just felt I was looking at the same person over and over again.
I dont mean like, 'clones' type of "same". Its just like, they way they dress, the way they put on their make up and just everything they do is so freakily similar.
Its like they all have this idea of what "pretty" is supposed to look like and everyone of them is just going for that look hoping that something good turns out of it.
Which philosopher was it that said that the universe is made up of ideas or templates that formed everything? I cant remember, but like, its pretty much whats happening here. In the end, I was supposed to be looking at them and fantasizing or something, but it got really depressing cuz it just felt I was looking at the same person over and over again.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Cockroach Noodles
I think most of you would know of my experiences with this noodle shop in sunplaza that serves cockroaches. That was about 3 years ago, and Ive been boycotting it since.
Recently, however, I noticed a change in management, and things looked a lot cleaner then previously, so I started eating my ban mian again.
Today kinda sucked, cuz just as I was about to put a spoonful into my mouth, I noticed a brown leg inside my spoon. I really really wanted to take the half of the bowl that was left and smash it into the fucking aunties face.
Seriously, this shit can only happen to me.
Recently, however, I noticed a change in management, and things looked a lot cleaner then previously, so I started eating my ban mian again.
Today kinda sucked, cuz just as I was about to put a spoonful into my mouth, I noticed a brown leg inside my spoon. I really really wanted to take the half of the bowl that was left and smash it into the fucking aunties face.
Seriously, this shit can only happen to me.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Stranded
I spent an entire afternoon today baking in the sun in the middle of some forest in Sungei Gedong together with a friend of mine without any water at all. We fed the mosquitoes and talked about women, or just womAn, actually, which is one of the things I really cherish about being single; You get to ask all about other peoples relationships and not have to give a single thing out about yourself because you simply dont have anything to say.
Why were we there in the first place? Well, I was driving my gun to an exercise location when it broke down. And when I say gun, Im not talking about those little peashooters you carry around with you, Im talking about these:
Yes, these five million dollar pieces of crap dont actually work. Theyre just there to give servicemen something to do while they waste two years of their life away. =)
So anyway when the technicians arrived they had a bottle of coolant, but we drank that anyway.
Why were we there in the first place? Well, I was driving my gun to an exercise location when it broke down. And when I say gun, Im not talking about those little peashooters you carry around with you, Im talking about these:
Yes, these five million dollar pieces of crap dont actually work. Theyre just there to give servicemen something to do while they waste two years of their life away. =)
So anyway when the technicians arrived they had a bottle of coolant, but we drank that anyway.
Monday, February 15, 2010
The First New Year
For those of you who really know me, you know I dont go around wishing people Merry Xmas/New Year/Whatever, but I do make it a point to reply smses/texts with at least a "thanks, you too!" because I feel its the least you could do.
Till now, I actually havent wished anyone Happy CNY, because my new year began one month and 15 days ago, and I dont really see what the big deal is. But I did wish someone a happy CNY today, and it was this counter girl at KFC. She had a really gay-lord name: Girlie. No shit. And no, she wasnt really pretty, but she did look very sad. There was this kinda look in her eyes that told the world that nothing was really going right for her, so I thought itd be nice to acknowledge her existence.
She returned my greeting with a smile, and as I left, I noticed she was still smiling.
Yes, I know I have that effect on girls because Im hot, but in all seriousness, I think we dont do the little things often enough.
^-^
Happy Cheena New Year!
Till now, I actually havent wished anyone Happy CNY, because my new year began one month and 15 days ago, and I dont really see what the big deal is. But I did wish someone a happy CNY today, and it was this counter girl at KFC. She had a really gay-lord name: Girlie. No shit. And no, she wasnt really pretty, but she did look very sad. There was this kinda look in her eyes that told the world that nothing was really going right for her, so I thought itd be nice to acknowledge her existence.
She returned my greeting with a smile, and as I left, I noticed she was still smiling.
Yes, I know I have that effect on girls because Im hot, but in all seriousness, I think we dont do the little things often enough.
^-^
Happy Cheena New Year!
Cavana Sucks
The very first time I ate at Cavana was when I was with this bunch of friends and I didnt order anything, so I was just picking at their food and I thought to myself ,"Oh god this sucks so badly." and vowed never ever to go back again.
Unfortunately, because its chinese new year and theres nothing to eat if no ones cooking, the situation changes to something somewhat more ... desperate.
I tried their new chicken lasagne, because Im a sucker for lasagne, and what a sucker I turned out to be. $8.90 for a pieces of HAM inside. They had the cheek to put fucking HAM inside lasagne, and even more to charge me an extra 50cents as a "chinese new year" charge.
Fuck you Cavana, Im boycotting you for life.
Unfortunately, because its chinese new year and theres nothing to eat if no ones cooking, the situation changes to something somewhat more ... desperate.
I tried their new chicken lasagne, because Im a sucker for lasagne, and what a sucker I turned out to be. $8.90 for a pieces of HAM inside. They had the cheek to put fucking HAM inside lasagne, and even more to charge me an extra 50cents as a "chinese new year" charge.
Fuck you Cavana, Im boycotting you for life.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Stupid
So i just finished watching my super ex girlfriend, and essentially wasted 2 hours of my life. I dont think ive ever seen a more pointless and predictable show. Its like, do you even need a script for that shit? And i sat through that. I sat through all hundred and twenty minutes of that shit. Well, I dunno if it was 2 hours exactly, but whatever.
Anyway, im mulling over how someone could have lived 20 fucking years on this stupid world and be so emotional. And by emotional I mean so controlled by his emotions.
Its so WEAK.
Anyway, im mulling over how someone could have lived 20 fucking years on this stupid world and be so emotional. And by emotional I mean so controlled by his emotions.
Its so WEAK.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Pepperoni's
Just came back from this place called Pepperoni's. Its near NJC or something. I went there with my men, or in non-army terms, my subordinates. Wah, one of them even dressed like Jason Mraz or something. Really up there.
But of course I see their other side in exchange for them seeing mine ;)
Other than that, the food is quite good when you do a price : quality ratio evaluation. Their panna cotta (I never knew it was called panna cotta until today) is really smooth and just sweet enough for me. Their lasagne kinda sucked I think. Pizza Huts' is better.
But of course I see their other side in exchange for them seeing mine ;)
Other than that, the food is quite good when you do a price : quality ratio evaluation. Their panna cotta (I never knew it was called panna cotta until today) is really smooth and just sweet enough for me. Their lasagne kinda sucked I think. Pizza Huts' is better.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Kahfee
One of the best times of the weekend is when I sit down in front of my computer with a cuppa Cafe Nova's latte.
But besides saying that coffee is great, Batman: Arkham Asylum is equally great. The hour I spent playing it today was well worth it.
Anyway I have to say this video is what Singaporeans would call "quite steam"
But besides saying that coffee is great, Batman: Arkham Asylum is equally great. The hour I spent playing it today was well worth it.
Anyway I have to say this video is what Singaporeans would call "quite steam"
Weird People
Whenever I need to rest my eyes after gaming for so long, I always look out the window. I like doing this because 1.) Theres always nice wind in my face, and 2.) Theres always weird people doing shit.
So this day, there was this fat old woman walking down the path. As she walked along, she made these gestures with her hands that looked like a mime pressing against the wall. Every few meters she walked, she would do it again and again.
There was nothing in her ear, or close to her ear, so she couldnt have been talking on the phone. Her mouth wasnt moving either.
Somehow, that made me think of this weird guy I met at a friend's birthday chalet. He was trying very hard to get us to play a few more games of saboteur (the card game) , but we were afraid of missing the last bus/train. So hard, in fact, that it came across to me as bordering psychotic.
I had this friend with me (whom we shall codename 'dear') that I was going to send back home cuz it was already getting late. Weirdo asked if I would consider a few more games and I replied," That depends on whether dear wants to leave now."
Then he gave me this stunned look and asked," You mean you would make your choice based on one person?" I didnt answer him and quickly looked away. In my heart I was thinking "omg omg omg freakyyyyy".
The poor fellow probably never had a girlfriend or close friend his entire life or something. Well, it may have been freaky then, but its funny retrospectively.
So this day, there was this fat old woman walking down the path. As she walked along, she made these gestures with her hands that looked like a mime pressing against the wall. Every few meters she walked, she would do it again and again.
There was nothing in her ear, or close to her ear, so she couldnt have been talking on the phone. Her mouth wasnt moving either.
Somehow, that made me think of this weird guy I met at a friend's birthday chalet. He was trying very hard to get us to play a few more games of saboteur (the card game) , but we were afraid of missing the last bus/train. So hard, in fact, that it came across to me as bordering psychotic.
I had this friend with me (whom we shall codename 'dear') that I was going to send back home cuz it was already getting late. Weirdo asked if I would consider a few more games and I replied," That depends on whether dear wants to leave now."
Then he gave me this stunned look and asked," You mean you would make your choice based on one person?" I didnt answer him and quickly looked away. In my heart I was thinking "omg omg omg freakyyyyy".
The poor fellow probably never had a girlfriend or close friend his entire life or something. Well, it may have been freaky then, but its funny retrospectively.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
SAF Is A Damn Happening Organisation
Wah, I love the SAF. Everytime in the newspaper. Just recently got kerner or what making sexual advances towards his married subordinate officer. Why I also cannot understand, cuz usually SAF woman damn shit looking one.
Then also got master sargeant go taiwan get run over by car and die. Then the newspaper also say he drunk. Wah, also got unit change their Standard obstacle course results so they can get best unit in the end kena found out. This one also in newspaper.
Then got people run halfway die. Do chin ups halfway also can die.
Maybe I typing this post halfway also collapse and die. Then the headlines will write "SAF serviceman dies naked in front of computer whilst declaring how much he loves the SAF"
You will seriously never see this anywhere else in the world man. You where will find "Microsoft employee dies while programming new software" or what one?
Then also got master sargeant go taiwan get run over by car and die. Then the newspaper also say he drunk. Wah, also got unit change their Standard obstacle course results so they can get best unit in the end kena found out. This one also in newspaper.
Then got people run halfway die. Do chin ups halfway also can die.
Maybe I typing this post halfway also collapse and die. Then the headlines will write "SAF serviceman dies naked in front of computer whilst declaring how much he loves the SAF"
You will seriously never see this anywhere else in the world man. You where will find "Microsoft employee dies while programming new software" or what one?
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Call Of Pussy
Recently Ive been playing a lot of COD:MW2. Thats pretty much all I do, aside from thinking about how to recoup my $1600USD loss on the stock market as well.
Pretty much the most exciting thing thats happen today was talking to *. I was wondering what I would have for dinner when * messaged me, and I told her that since I couldnt decide what to eat, I might as well have her pussy for dinner. I tried to negotiate a price of $2 for it, because she suggested I get macdelivery but I wasnt willing to pay the delivery charge, so instead of paying a mutt to come over to my place I might as well have pussy.
Unfortunately, $2 wasnt enough. I backed out anyway, because even having eaten pussy, I would STILL have been hungry, because as we all know, you cant literally eat pussy. Maybe in germany they do, because they eat cock there.
Pretty much the most exciting thing thats happen today was talking to *. I was wondering what I would have for dinner when * messaged me, and I told her that since I couldnt decide what to eat, I might as well have her pussy for dinner. I tried to negotiate a price of $2 for it, because she suggested I get macdelivery but I wasnt willing to pay the delivery charge, so instead of paying a mutt to come over to my place I might as well have pussy.
Unfortunately, $2 wasnt enough. I backed out anyway, because even having eaten pussy, I would STILL have been hungry, because as we all know, you cant literally eat pussy. Maybe in germany they do, because they eat cock there.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Sucky Peppermint
Please please please dont try starbucks' peppermint frap/mocha unless you wanna drink chinese medicine. Thank God I wasnt the one who bought it, haha!
And omg what a brand-whore Ive turned into. I cant believe I spent a three digit sum on a shirt. I think its more like a few cents for the material and the three digits for a crocodile.
Next Ill probably buy a belt with a "G" on it, which will probably cost another fortune. "G" must stand for "goondu".
And omg what a brand-whore Ive turned into. I cant believe I spent a three digit sum on a shirt. I think its more like a few cents for the material and the three digits for a crocodile.
Next Ill probably buy a belt with a "G" on it, which will probably cost another fortune. "G" must stand for "goondu".
Friday, December 25, 2009
The Men of Steel
So Im sitting here listening to the Oceans Twelve soundtrack and wondering how the hell am I going to get past this part of NS.
Ive gotten my new batch of men under me, and theyre so disciplined it sets standards so high for me. Its like I have to keep on my toes 24/7. I hardly slept more then 6 hours a day this past week, thank god for christmas.
Oh and anyway, merry christmas dudes and dudettes, guys and gals.
Ive gotten my new batch of men under me, and theyre so disciplined it sets standards so high for me. Its like I have to keep on my toes 24/7. I hardly slept more then 6 hours a day this past week, thank god for christmas.
Oh and anyway, merry christmas dudes and dudettes, guys and gals.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Mr Jie
Haha, I love it when americans think my last name is Jie, since their last name is really at the last part of the name.
Hello Mr Jie, she said. lol
Hello Mr Jie, she said. lol
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I cant even begin to tell you how hooked i am on Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. So much to do, so much to unlock!
So much has been happening recently. I think Ive decided that Im gonna study at MDIS, which, purportedly, Ris Low studies at. Maybe I can make friends with her so she can make me laugh everyday with her finglish(fucked-up english)! What a joy ride that would be!
See, youre not the only person who can coin retarded words!
So much has been happening recently. I think Ive decided that Im gonna study at MDIS, which, purportedly, Ris Low studies at. Maybe I can make friends with her so she can make me laugh everyday with her finglish(fucked-up english)! What a joy ride that would be!
See, youre not the only person who can coin retarded words!
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