Liars Poker

This is an excerpt from the book Liars Poker, and how a guy gets into Salomon Brothers and gets trained. The scene is from a classroom filled with trainees.

"Each trainee had to decide for himself. Thus was born the Great Divide.Those who chose to put on a full court grovel from the opening buzzer found seats in the front seats in the front of the classroom, where they sat through the entire 5 month program (lips puckered). Those who treasured their pride,or perhaps thoguht it best to remain aloof, feigned cool indifference by sittin gin the back row, and hurling paper wads at managing directors.

I considered myself an exception, of course. I was accused by some of being a front row person because I liked to sit next to the man from Harvard school and watch him draw organisational charts. I wondered if he would succeed (he didnt). Also, I asked too many questions. It was assumed that I did this to ingratiate myself with the speakers, like a front row person. This was untrue. But try telling that to the back row seaters. I lamely compensated for my curiosity by hurling a few paper wads at important traders. And my stock rose dramatically when I got thrown out of class while reading the newspaper while a trader spoke.

Of all exceptions, however, the Japanese were the greatest. The Japanese undermined any analysis of our classroom culture. All six of them sat in the front row and slept. Their heads rocked back and forth, and on occasion fell over to one side, so that their cheeks ran parallel to the floor. So it was hard to argue that they were just listening with their eyes shut, as Japanese businessmen are inclined to do. The most charitable explanation for their apathy was that they couldnt understand english. They kept to themselves, however,and you could never be sure of their language skills or their motives. Their leader was a man named Yoshi. Each morning and afternoon the back row boys made bets on how many minutes it would take Yoshi to fall asleep. They liked to think Yoshi was a calculating troublemaker. Yoshi was their hero. A small cheer would go up in the back row when Yoshi crashed, partly because someone had just won a pile of money, but also in appreciation of any man who had the balls to fall asleep in the front row."

The last paragraph was my fav!

Woken

I woke to the sound of my cat's incessant mewing. She was hungry and we had run outta cat food. Tough luck. Not for my cat, but for me. My day usually begins at 1, but now cuz I gotta feed the poor thing, it starts at 11.

Man, Im gonna hate being a father lol

I cant remember the last time I had a bath in a bath tub, so I was understandably excited when I got to simmer in my own filth, with my ipod beside me.

Europe is a really relaxed place. Everything goes so slowly in the suburbs. People move in slow motion, but thankfully the internet is reasonably hasty compared to that. The sun seems to be lazier too, sometimes he waits till 8 to wake up.

Somehow that bothers me. I just read about mental priming, where certain external influences tweaks the way you think. So I was thinking how being in an asian country has primed me such that I need to go go go instead of slow slow slow. I cant stand not doing anything I cant see as immediately productive. Sure, Ive gobbled down close to 4 books so far, but Im always so slow, it seems.

Hmm.

Ive seen artificial snow in malaysia. It was a distant memory, but somehow it triggers the mental imagery of ice kacang. Just 2 days ago I saw snow falling from the sky. I didnt know if they were snowflakes or just little balls of snow, though. They were rather ungraceful though. I always pictured them dancing on their way down, pirouetting right and left before whimsically choosing a place to land. Mine was like little pieces of a bird shit barrage. I thought they were pieces of dust at first, like how in the 7th month theyd burn shit and all that shit floats up to where you live.

France

In a few hours time Im going to be flying off to france, and as usual theres this nagging feeling that Ive forgotten do do/bring something, even though Ive already double checked (and at the rate this is going, triple check) everything.

Shoes parents have been nothing but helpful and easy to work with, though I wish I could say the same for MY parents, who want me to stuff my luggage with, get this, instant fucking noodles to bring over to france.

I made a big fuss out of this, obviously, because theres seriously better things to bring along than instant noodles, but since theyre the ones paying for the trip, itd be in my best interests to please them. =D

Haiku is not
for everyone cuz
sometimes you just fail so bad
look at me even
this kinda fails.

No more good ban mian

Since the ban mian stall near my secondary school changed owners, theres just nowhere in the world with ban mian good enough for me.

Well, Im going to ord soon, and because I havent been able to pass my SOC because of a lack of will and an injured knee, the most Ill get out of my testimonial is a satisfactory.

Thats 3/5 just because of physical ineptitude. If only I had known this would happen, then I wouldnt have put in that much effort into my work. But then again, life is always like that, isnt it?

When youre living off the misery of other people its a sign youre losing your humanity.

When Im hoping the US goes into a second recession so soon after the last... haha, well its money for me!

Who can argue with money?

Naruto!

The latest episodes of naruto are getting exciting but Ive no more episodes left to watch!

So i asked my friend why cant the japanese draw more and make less porn, and he said to me "cuz porn can make $. make anime fuckers like you only download and watch, so never make any money".

To which I replied "but the porn I also download and watch what. Whats the difference?"

I win.

Hottest

Ive always loved Mila, but this is just way too hot! I liked Jeanette Aw when I found out she WOW-ed, but her spoken english is kinda fail so =(

Phail Engrish

My Fellow Countrymen, You Suck

As some of you know, Im doing the drive past mobile column for NDP as a driver. i recently saw some very repugnant singaporeans showing their ugly side. Let me endeavour to explain this to you.

me in another fail picture.

The entire mobile column of 200 vehicles and 700 people will drive past the padang. After that, they will split up into 3 different parts of singapore, Eunos, woodlands and one more I cant remember where.

Along the road at the side of the Esplanade Mall (which is near I think, marina square or something) is a site that is where my (the eunos people) will stop to allow the other two parts of the mobile column to pass at a road way way way in front.

Because the eunos group stretches for hundreds of meters, the entire road has to be blocked off and no traffic, vehicular or pedestrian is permitted to pass in any way. Marshals are set up to ensure that no moron does this.

However, because of this pedestrian traffic tends to gather near the traffic lights while they are waiting for us to pass and the wait for them can be about 15-20 mins. Some morons waiting at the side of the road started arguing with the marshallers over why they couldnt cross when all our vehicles were stationary.

What they dont seem to understand is that the marshallers are only fucking corporals, and the decision to let whoever pass is made by people far higher up then them. And these people were literally shouting at the poor guy, with a whole lotta self importance like, "omg ive been waiting for x minutes omg you cant make me wait like this omg omg ima pee my pants" kinda thing.

Seriously, if you were anybody important in life, we would have people rolling out red carpets along the fucking road for you, but because youre a POS loser who probably drives a scooter, you just have to wait! Its really that simple.

And that wasnt all. When the higher ups finally relented and let them pass, the loser threw up his hands in the air and shouted ,"Finally!".

OMG i swear if the machine gun beside me was loaded...

The above is the main theme song for Command and Conquer 4: Tiberian Twilight. Its awesome, even if youre not a fan of game soundtracks ^^

Inter(nal)view

So I was selected to go for some dumb interview and represent the NSFs of the SAF and appear on TV and say how much I loved what I was doing, and how proud I was to be taking part in NDP, when I would much rather be sleeping up in my bunk.

Normally I think some people would jump at this chance, but fame at the cost of dignity does not appeal to me. I went and told the in-charge, a captain, that asking me to do this was jamming my moral frequency, so to speak.

As of now, Im no longer involved in that facade, but I was told I would be a backup should the need ever arise. Please god let it not be so!

Photographer Fail

Goh Keng Swee is obviously not the main focus of this picture can.

Misadventures Of Me

I went to Dr Henrys for a gathering. His place is at the NYP apartments area. I left at 11, so all the gates were closed, and I honest to goodness couldnt remember how to get out. I swear that place feels more like its trying to keep people in rather then keep people out.

That was when I noticed one area where the shelter was much lower then the other areas (the entire area from NYP to YCK MRT is sheltered), and that the shelter led over the fence.

;)
;)
;)
;)
;)

yep thats right, I climbed on TOP of the fucking shelter, and duck-walked over the fence under the cover of darkness. Man, being in NS for too long really makes you fearless (as well as make you lose your mind).

Once I was over the fence, I ninja jumped down.... and sprained my wrist in the process. This was witnessed by a female student. She gave me a "OMG YOU MUST BE BATMAN" face, but I pretended not to notice because Batman is cool.

So anyways, that was prolly the most exciting event of the entire week. :)

I miss the way you move my cheese.

Direction

Yes! Now I have a direct bus right to changi airport at my doorstep.

The world prepares for my france trip muahaha.

Anyway, Im still waiting for the malay man who lives 4 doors away to die of lung cancer cuz he keeps peeing and smoking in the lift. Im also waiting for my sergeant major to die in a car accident, cuz he asked me to wear my number 1 to go do a parade while I had a 39°C fever.

Why have mercy on those who have none for you?

GKS

Busy these few days with Goh Keng Swees funeral. Yes, i was part of it, and bloody CNA only took my back shot. That means that particular news segment was very badly filmed, because their main actor was not even in the scenes. Its like a porn movie filmed without seeing the main actress's face.

The drive past from parliament to the conference building was quite cool and weird all at the same time. There were people who probably didnt even know who died and were putting their hands together, and aunties who were saluting awkwardly as we drove past. I wanted to laugh, but then thought to myself," wow maybe itd be nice if I died and aunties would salute to me."

I mean, its not that I have an auntie-fetish. Its just kinda strange how a complete stranger could inspire such patriotism.

Very interesting.

Worst Weekend

Ending is the worst weekend every of the year. It started with a 39­°C fever, diarrhea, and a bunch of stupid medics. The medical center seriously has no prioritization going on. Some dumbfuck lance corporals who were laughing so happily were somehow more important then a bloody 3rd Sergeant who was about to pass out from a fever.

I was given an MC, but what good is an MC when youre too weak to go home?

And back home, oh god back home was the worst. I was like a bird back home. No not free like a bird. I shat like a bird and peed like a bird. Thats right, for some reason my dick wasnt working, and my shit and pee all came out through the same place. What fun!

And just like this, my entire weekend was spend shitting and sleeping. As far as Im concerned, if I didnt spend more then half of it killing shit on my computer or playing stocks, then Ive WASTED it.

GDI!

Butterfly

Little tommy was a boy, a child of thirteen
When he saw a cocoon, as small as a bean.
Picking it up, he thought to himself,
"In my hands I hold, a small piece of magic.
For life is as such, so fragile and tragic."

On a shelf he placed it, and for hours he'd stare
With a deep rooted love, that none could compare.
All this while, he thought to himself,
"What a beauty she'll be, how graceful and strong"
But he'd never imagine, how things could go wrong.

The day finally came, when her birth was at hand
the cage would chip, it was going as planned,
yet something felt wrong, something he noticed.
"Her cage is too strong, she cant break out.
I need to help her, of that theres no doubt!"

Gently he'd peel, the confines of her prison
And she spread her wings, like Jesus arisen.
Triumphant, he cried out loud,
"Welcome, my break from my routine,
for too long Ive been like a machine."

Not hearing him, she staggered forward,
Legs unsteady, going onward.
Then she stopped, wings hanging by her side
and a chill filled him deep inside.

Swaying slightly, she collapsed suddenly
This queen, once so heavenly,
was now so still, so still.


I think, maybe, the day we realise that the precious things we thought would last forever wouldnt, because there IS no such thing as forever, no matter how hard you try to force it, thatd be the greatest let down of our lives.